Monday, March 21, 2005

The Commies are Coming! The Commies are Coming!

My latest for the Gateway. No, I ain't no Commie.

Some say they were “raptured” just before the Berlin Wall fell, whereas others claim they are simply hiding out at the Parkland Institute, lying low, waiting for the resurrection of Mao and his prophet Lenin. “They” are the communists, and it is clear to me that they have infiltrated the University in order to corrupt our precious bodily fluids.

Thanks to four brave business students, who no doubt endured persecution for their pro-capitalist view, the opaque façade of a mere “liberal” campus media bias was recently stripped away to reveal just how far the tripe-like tentacles of the international communist conspiracy have penetrated every cell of our venerable institution.