Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Summer/Fall Political Predicitons

Well, it may be that Stephen Harper is the man who might be seeking a new job over the summer, and it will be interesting to see if any other bombshells could top the defection of Belinda Stronach. Only in the realms of the absurd could one find a political situation that could top this one. Here are just a few.

August 1, 2005. Ralph Klein announces his retirement from the Alberta PC's and says that he will move to an undisclosed Atlantic province to take advantage of the money that exited Alberta eastward.

August 5, 2005. Jack Layton and the NDP propose a new anti-pollution measure - the "Gomery Act" to contain the stench of Liberal corruption emanating from the Gomery site.

September 2, 2005. Stephen Harper resigns from the Conservative party and goes provincial, where he runs against Jim Dinning and Ted Morton for the Alberta PC leaderhip position.

October 6, 2005. Gomery inquiry finds that Paul Martin laundered hundreds of millions of dollars in drug money for a global crime syndicate. RCMP and CSIS find a grow-op on his farm, along with several hundred thousand dollars in cash. Among the bills is a map to the location of Jimmy Hoffa's body.

October 7, 2005. Martin resigns and calls an election.

October 8, 2005. Jean Chretien comes out of retirement and announces that he will run for the Conservative leadership spot. Cites a 2-year tv binge of TLC's "Trading Spaces" as his inspiration.

October 9, 2005. Jean Chretien drops out of the leadership race after he is implicated in the laundering of money found on Martin's farm.

October 12, 2005. Stronach wins Liberal leadership bid. Promises to nominate Maurice Strong and Paul Desmarais for Senate seats.

October 17, 2005. Rona Ambrose wins the Conservative Leadership bid. Stronach fires catty comments across the bow "She's not rich enough to be PM". Rona Ambrose responds: "Bitch".

October 18, 2005. SUN newspaper headline: "Election 2005: Girl-on-girl mudslinging".

October 30, 2005. Harper wins the provincial election and faces a Separatist Opposition in the Alberta Legislature. His old professors from the U of Calgary, Tom Flanagan and Barry Cooper manage to win their respective ridings.

November 19, 2005. Harper names Cooper "Minister of Interprovincial Affairs". Vows to construct a natural gas pipeline around the Alberta perimeter to create a literal "firewall" of wellheads spewing flames 1,000 feet into the air. Minister of Environment, Jim Dinning, proposes giant fans along the border to blow the C02 eastward.

November 21, 2005. Federal election held. Result: Exact same seating arrangement as in 2004. Canadians throw arms in air. Stronach beats Ambrose.

December 8, 2005. Oil found underneath Alberta Legislature. Largest supply of oil found underneath Edmonton.

December 9, 2005. Borders to Alberta closed.

December 10, 2005. Alberta Finance releases a feasibility report detailing a secret PC Centennial plan to give every resident of Alberta $10,000 for every year they have resided in Alberta after 1995.